So often, the act of caregiving is spoken about in terms of strict necessity or moral obligation. We see the caregiver role as a kind of personal duty – as something we have to do for any number of reasons. Whether derived from a feeling of filial responsibility, guilt, love, or simple human decency, we don’t often stop to think beyond any part of the sentence that begins with: “I have to.”

Nonetheless, it’s so important to appreciate the work it takes to be a good caregiver – hard, wearying, relentless work – and the gravity of the choice to become one. Because, ultimately, it is a choice. Every single day that you live and work to care for your loved one is a choice that you make. No matter how much you love the one you’re caring for, and no matter how you feel about your caregiving role, it is an enormous choice and sacrifice that you have made. And masking your daily efforts under the guise of have-to’s and need-to’s doesn’t give yourself nearly enough credit.  

You deserve to know how kind you are.

The Unspoken Challenges of Caregiving 

The world doesn’t often acknowledge how difficult it can be to face the realities of caregiving. Watching a parent change into someone that’s hard to recognize, or experiencing the shift in a sibling relationship, can be heart-wrenching. It’s even harder when your loved one depends on you to manage the physical challenges of heavy incontinence, such as preventing leaks during the night or ensuring they stay dry with products. 
 
It’s easy to miss the way things used to be and feel resentment for the way things have become so different.  And it’s incredibly hard to withstand all of the frustration, anger, sadness, and exhaustion that so often comes with caregiving – all with a smile on your face so that your loved one doesn’t suspect anything is wrong. 
 
It’s okay to feel frustrated, exhausted, or even resentful at times. And It’s okay to admit that some days are incredibly hard. None of that makes you a bad person or a bad caregiver, it only makes you human. 

You deserve to know how strong you are. 

Finding Balance in the Caregiving Journey 

Just as important as it is to let yourself feel whatever emotions emerge on the hard days, it’s equally as important to let yourself appreciate and savor the happy moments that arise on the good days.  

When the day goes exactly as you planned, when everyone has everything they need at every moment, and that extra booster pad or adult diaper you packed at the last minute came in handy like you had a feeling it would — you deserve that pat on the back. Or when your mom has her first lucid day in weeks, and she starts joking around just like she used to, you deserve to laugh along with her without worrying what tomorrow brings. Or when you (finally) get positive news from the doctor, you deserve to feel so accomplished for helping get to this point. 

You deserve to know how amazing you are. 

However, if this roller coaster of emotions ever starts to feel like too much, there are steps you can take to make the day-to-day ups and downs more manageable.

1. Validate your emotions.  

Know that your feelings and experiences are just as valid as your loved one’s. When we try to ignore or prevent our emotions from happening, they have a nasty way of getting stronger and exploding when we’re least prepared for them. By giving yourself space to feel whatever you feel, labeling your feelings as best as you can, and accepting your emotions for what they are — fleeting feelings and thoughts that do not define you — you will slowly start to feel less and less overwhelmed by them and more at peace with both the ups and the downs. 

2. Talk about it. 

Talking to other people who understand your situation, whether in a support group setting or through individual therapy, is enormously helpful. It can help relieve stress, provide an opportunity to just vent when you need it, and improve your overall mental health. If you don’t know where to start, talk to your doctor for a therapist referral who specializes in caregiver support. It might be difficult at first, but we promise that learning how to talk about your emotions and your experience will be endlessly beneficial in the long run. 

3. Celebrate your wins. 

Every day, you make a difference. Whether it’s having the foresight to pack an extra diaper, choosing a product with a plastic exterior to ensure maximum protection, or simply keeping your loved one comfortable, you’re doing amazing work. Reflect on your successes, however small, and remind yourself of the care and thought you put into everything you do. 

4. Make time for “me time.”  

Read a book, watch a show, go for a walk, take an exercise class – commit to a specific amount of time every single week that you will do something just for you. No chores or to-do lists allowed! This is time meant for reconnecting with yourself and the things that bring you joy. Meditation is also an incredibly valuable tool to recenter yourself and manage stress. Setting aside five minutes a day for simple breathwork or guided meditation can help you feel more mindful and calmer in your daily life. 

You Are Not Alone

At the end of the day, caregiving is hard. It’s also wonderful, frustrating, fulfilling, exhausting, rewarding, upsetting, empowering, heart-wrenching, and so, so, so emotional. All of the emotions, really. And no matter how irrefutable you think your decision to take on the caregiver role was, know that you are absolutely amazing for waking up every day and doing everything you do. 
 
And if you’re just beginning your caregiving journey, or if your loved one has recently started experiencing incontinence symptoms, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Explore our best tips for starting the conversation about adult diapers and use our Product Finder to discover tailored recommendations that provide the comfort, protection, and peace of mind your loved one deserves.